5️⃣Bizarre Phrases Only Software Developers Use
I keep hearing developers using simplistic sayings. Some of these simply make no sense at all.
I’ve thought about this. I know why it annoys me.
I value the precision of developers.
That means I value developers who are precise when they are using code, and precise when they are using English.
The following 5 phrases are indicators of an imprecise and poor developer. They’re also an indicator that I don’t like you.
Let’s take a look:
Anti-Pattern
Software design patterns are fantastic, and it makes sense to have a shared language in order to solve problems.
So, what is wrong with an anti-pattern?
The misuse of the term anti-pattern to mean ineffective is problematic. For instance, one of our developers explicitly defined a type that can be inferred by the compiler.
Anti-Pattern
Is shouted by the code review. The reason for using the term?
It makes it easier to belittle other people’s work.
A developer will find it difficult to argue against someone claiming anti-pattern. The conversation is shut down, nobody learns anything and nothing is gained. Shout “Anti-Pattern” in a meeting, and you’ll win the argument.
SAD
My job is to solve problems
Some developers really do solve problems. This is true.
However, the developers I hear say this do as little work as possible. They pay lip service to this idea of helping customers and producing a great product. Chris, I’m thinking of you here.
The business doesn’t listen to me, no matter how loud I shout “no”
Tech Debt
The issues are:
Pronunciation
Understanding
The first point is the “mystery” of /det/. Many developers at my workplace are pronouncing this /deb/, and it just sounds wrong to my ears.
The second point is when my colleague (true story this one) tackled some “Tech Debt” by “refactoring”. They put a line break in a long line of code.
Seriously.
Radical Honesty
This should be Ok, in a group where everyone is psychologically safe. In a group of judgmental software developers?
Not only is your code shocking, but I hate your shirt too. Honest.
It’s like providing weapons in a prison. Teaching kindergarten kids swear words. Giving free Budweiser on a Friday night after the game.
I turn coffee into code
You can replace this saying with any saying that perpetuates those developer clichés. You know the type. I can’t write because I’m a developer. I don’t have a partner because I’m a developer. I don’t understand because I’m a developer. Espouse various racist ideas because I’m a developer.
Why would writing a computer always involve caffeine for everybody? Why would we assume it does?
I’m drinking Dr Pepper right now.
Conclusion
The Secret Developer is woke for complaining about sexism and racism. They’re even junior since they don’t even use design patterns.
I’ll enjoy reading comments of this quality. Save time by copy-pasting these into the comments section.
Thanks.