If Error Messages Were Honest🙀
Something is wrong. Very wrong. You need to push this code, and it’s not going to happen. I don’t know why; you tell me why stupid machine.
Instead of getting a message that helps you diagnose and solve the problem you have a cryptic error message to decipher. There is very little in the world more annoying than this, particularly if you are facing a deadline.
So today I’m imagining a world where instead of beating around the bush or giving a code, error messages were brutally honest. If they spat out the pure, unfiltered truth.
This one just might get a little bit messy.
500 Internal Server Error
We Can’t Believe You Broke It Again
The infamous 500 Internal Server Error.
I’ll leave it to our friends at apigee to explain this one:
“The HTTP status code 500 is a generic error response. It means that the server encountered an unexpected condition that prevented it from fulfilling the request”
So, that could be anything then, thanks.
Photo John Barkiple @barkiple on Unsplash
In truth, it’s usually a sign that perhaps you should stop playing with the production server and start debugging locally.
404 Not Found
Your link, or our link, is wrong. We don’t much care we just can’t find whatever that is.
“Page not found” is so sterile, right? Yet a 404 could remind us of our short time on the planet, and how we shouldn’t be looking for reviews of retro games that even way back machine doesn’t keep a record of.
Photo by Mark Tegethoff @tegethoff on Unsplash
Alternatively, you are a ghost looking for pages that never existed in this time horizon. Or it’s a typo in the URI.
Invalid Syntax
You Suck at Typing &&/| ChatGPT is Using Out Of Date Syntax
Some developers will make a typo, and their IDE doesn’t help them out. Unfortunately, “unexpected token” often leaves new programmers in a tailspin. Imagine a world where they’re told that they suck at typing, and get a worthwhile reminder that coding is 90% keyboard skills.
Photo by Solen Feyissa @solenfeyissa on Unsplash
Alternatively, ChatGPT is using old syntax. In which case asking ChatGPT to fix it probably won’t work, so I guess you need to quit your job?
Null Pointer Exception
You Forgot to Check for Null, Genius
Most developers think that they are smart and can work out things like pointers.
Photo by Alexandros Giannakakis @alegi__ on Unsplash
You aren’t, you can’t, and the result is a boring error message. Liven it up with the truth.
Out of Memory
You are doing something stupid
What are you loading into memory? The same object forever? That’s stupid! Your whole database? That’s stupid.
Photo by wu yi @takeshi2 on Unsplash
An out of memory error seldom expresses the stupidity of what you are trying to do, so wouldn’t it be wonderful to add some color with a truthful error message?
Conclusion
Honest error messages probably would be a start. But imagine your Copilot PC watching you and berating you when you copy-paste code from Stack Overflow?
That’s your future and it’s coming at you. Oh dear.