It is Time Software Developers Set Their Boundaries
There are plenty of software developers who struggle to say no. I’m not talking about the arrogant senior software developer you work with. I’m talking about the normal developer who can struggle to speak up in meetings.
If you feel obligated to make other people happy, it can be tricky to make yourself happy.
One way of doing this is to practice setting boundaries. It can be life-changing.
This article is about how software developers can learn to say no when it’s appropriate. This counts at work, and in your personal life.
Finally. Techniques to get out of going to parties!
The issue
Overcommitting
I’ve seen plenty of software developers who gamely try to finish their work when set impossible deadlines. They say they will get it done, but frequently fail as they encounter unexpected problems.
The story gets worse when software developers start giving themselves unrealistic deadlines and then fail to hit them. I guess this happens because they feel pressured to complete the work and commit too much.
Surely, they should just git gud at coding?
Quite. In order to buy themselves time to gain coding competency coders should employ a set of techniques with which they will set boundaries in their professional life.
Here are those techniques:
Buy time to think
It is perfectly natural to default to yes. It can even influence people to like you! However, a default yes to something which you absolutely do not want to do can be damaging.
How can I get out of that invite I agreed to?
You can’t.
It means you’re locked into commitments that you may not necessarily wish to stick to.
This applies to those non-critical projects at work. Those include tasks you’d like to do and objectives you’ve been set for that bonus.
Is it really for the bonus? Or for my boss’s bonus?
It’s kinder to yourself to engage in invitations that you actually want to attend! It’s also kinder to those around you to be fully dedicated to what you’ve decided to do.
The short version: Pause, consider.
The technique: Say “can I think this over?”
Stop being a martyr
Rather than letting feelings like guilt and shame rule, we should take control of our own destinies.
Rather than agreeing to things that we do not want to agree to and think noble actions, we should be real with those around us.
May people take on more work than they should, sometimes to try to impress those around them.
We all know people like that.
However, it can be said that what is best for you, is best for those around you.
The short version: don’t let guilt, and shame feelings overtake your logical thoughts.
The technique: Don’t say yes whenever you feel that you’ll be a hero for doing so.
Say no, for now
Remember to thank people for inviting you to an event or to do something. You’ll need to check your calendar first (who doesn’t) which gives you time to process the idea.
Defaulting to no for those quick opportunistic invites will give you time to think about what you actually want.
By giving yourself time to think you can weigh up your options.
I think I’d rather be coding.
The short version: think about what you actually want before saying yes, and default to no.
The technique: Say “I’ll get back to you” and “I’m going to say no, but I might be able to come back to you with a yes later”
Leaving the door open is graceful, it’s not “no” forever
You can have grace when you turn down offers. You’re not saying no to the person, you’re saying no to the activity. You’re also not saying no to the activity for all time, you’re saying no to the activity right now.
For me, it is no forever, though.
The short version: no is not personal, and it isn’t about saying no forever.
The technique: Say “It’s not my thing. Thanks for inviting me!”
Have a limit, and stick to it
Some people will take away your time and effort. If you’ve said no once they will pressure you into saying yes.
This is the time to assert your boundaries. You need to make sure that you are secure in yourself and make it count.
So, I can say no to that presentation?
No. I mean Yes. No
The short version: no is no.
The technique: Either a no or nothing. That’s right. Say nothing…then no (just no).
Conclusion
It’s easy to default to yes. It’s easy to be a martyr. Don’t make mistakes with your behavior and do the best you can in any particular situation.
Wouldn’t that be great?