Another Irrelevant Upgrade from Apple

Photo by Martin Sanchez on Unsplash

Apple recently introduced a new security setting to keep thieves out of your personal accounts — even if they know the passcode on the device. This is a good feature that even The Secret Developer should be happy to see hitting user’s devices across the land.

“Most developers I know avoid the iPhone for no real reason other than it isn’t cool. That is, they can buy a device that is so much better value than anything Apple will offer to sheeple. That isn’t my main problem with this update from Apple though as the problems with the iPhone go much deeper than this particular update,”

The Secret Developer’s Cynicism

Apple’s new 17.2 update offers new security features. Specifically, a stolen device protection that restricts certain iPhone functionalities from specific locations like home or work.

“Apple in their infinite wisdom have decided to implement new security features in case your device is removed from you when you’re not home. The truth is this should not impact any software developers at all. They should be at home coding and learning new technologies, leaving going to the bar and getting their device stolen for ‘the cool kids’.

You see The Secret Developer is a prisoner in solitary confinement like all of the best developers should be. How else can I get this great at development?”

Apple’s good ideas go to waste

Apple has included changes like altering the Apple ID password or updating security settings. If you’re not in a familiar location, there’s an hour-long delay for these actions, followed by a reconfirmation with another biometric scan​​. 

“Ingenious? Perhaps. Relevant to software developers? Hardly.

The upgraded security features are designed to thwart thieves from causing irreversible damage. A noble endeavour, indeed. However, in my case, the biggest threat isn’t a pickpocket; it’s the never-ending barrage of bugs in the codebase implemented by those C-tier developers.”

Conclusion

Inevitably The Secret Developer thinks they could run a company like Apple better than Tim Apple.

“If you’re peddling devices with 60hz screens in 2023 you need to harp on about privacy and security to get people to buy your overpriced e-waste. These changes are as impactful as refactoring code that is going to be deleted for those people who matter most.

The people who matter? That’s us, software developers. Now get back to coding and stop reading articles about Apple.”