Learnings From the Key Programmer Types

Did you know there are 10 types of programmers?

“I really hope this isn’t a joke about binary. Those are tiresome.

I find all of those jokes about binary a turn-off.

Anyway, I’ve actually met each of these types of coders. What is upsetting is that one of these programmers is more common than all of the others. One type of coder which I’ve seen at each company I’ve worked for.

See if you can work out which one is the most popular, and I’ll see you at the end of the article to tell you which one it is.”

The Trainee

“This isn’t the same as a junior. This is a junior for their entire career. People start talking about why they are still employed at some point, but like a sick animal, nobody wants to put a bullet in that brain. They didn’t move to management. 

They still can’t code well. We all know a trainee who has done this and never moves on.”

Our learning: Make sure you’re always learning.

The Alcoholic

“Despite the name, the alcoholic isn’t limited to alcohol in their chemical attempts to improve their coding. Chocolate for each trivial problem solved, or a coffee for each sub-problem you’ll see this coder attempting to reward themselves constantly.

That sugar buzz doesn’t get you that far!”

Our learning: Don’t code on any mind-altering substances.

The Mediocre Coder

“Give them a simple task and they’ll be away. Give them a medium-level task and they’ll take an age to solve the issue. If you give them a difficult task, it’s not getting done.

Most coders fall into this bracket, with time”

Our learning: Keep pushing yourself to complete harder and more complex tasks. You owe it to yourself.

It’s Not My Fault

“Any bugs that come back? The tester is using the wrong environment. Design issues? They’re down to the designer not knowing the platform. The architecture of the App? It’s stupid.

What if it is stupid, though?”

Our learning: Keep your arrogance in check. You’re not perfect.

The Long Hours Coder

“A lack of intelligence is made up for with long hours at the codeface. This type of programmer has a haunted look and code smattered with easy-to-find mistakes.

It’s 9 am somewhere”

Our learning: Keep your mind clean, and your code cleaner.

The Speedy Coder

“This boy wonder rockets through their work. The mistakes only seem to turn up later.

Use that Dvorak keyboard to type faster”

Our learning: Speed is important. So is accuracy.

The Debater Programmer

“Always wants to discuss every solution. Not only that, they want to discuss the theory behind the solution.

Yawn. I want to grow up to be, to be a debater”

Our learning: Get on with it talky.

The Friends at Work Friend

“Possibly because they don’t have friends in other areas of their lives they think you’re their best friend. Talking about coding, their experiences at the rock climbing club (they weren’t popular), and more.

I get the feeling this is about an individual.”

Our learning: It’s better to be alone as a coder at times.

The Insecure Programmer

“This coder has insecurities. They might cry. They might be constantly worried about code review comments. They seem at constant risk of an emotional crash and their code is pretty sure to follow.”

Our learning: Get a grip.

The Competent Coder

“It’s quite amazing that some programmers never get to this state. You should aim for this as a coder.

The problem?

You’ll soon be promoted to management.”

Our learning: Stay an individual contributor is you wish to stay contributing to your team.

The most popular type of coder

Unfortunately, one of these coders is 10x more popular than the others. What is worse is that it isn’t the Competent Coder at all. Which one is it?

The Trainee.

People keep entering this profession without any interest in it. They don’t enjoy keeping up to date with the inevitable technological changes. As a result, The trainee keeps cropping up in my life. A coder with 10 years of experience who keeps writing pointless comments in the code?

“I know the person described personally.”

Conclusion

It would be great if people who liked coding stayed in programming.

“Just a thought?

Anyway, please do try to be a competent programmer. It’s the right way to go.”